I have a dear friend in my women's group at church. I call her my Voice of Reason. I think God sent her into my life so he could speak to me, sometimes slap me upside the head when needed, or othertimes gently whisper a word or two that will transform me in an instant back to a rational human being with a kind heart. She has seen me go on and on over something I imagined was a great offense to me; someone doing an injustice to me or having the gall to disagree with me. My Voice of Reason over there will put forth a couple of words...gently...almost like she's not talking about my bad behaviour of the moment but just commenting on the world at large. And there in front of me will be...Reason.
I tell you this because she had a couple of wonderful words for me this weekend while I was offended and rightly hurt and all justified and rambling on and on about something. She said simply, "Amy, not everybody is going to agree with you. And, that's okay....Really."
Yep, she's right. If you think about it, convincing 100% of the people I know of how great adopting from Uganda is going to be was a bit of lofty goal!
I thought I'd address some of the top concerns I've heard from folks. Here are a few questions we've gotten along the way and how we feel regarding them....
- Why don't you just adopt through the foster care system here in the US? There are plenty of needy children here. Why go half the way around the world?
- We feel that every child deserves a loving home with parents who will love him unconditionally. That being said, we are not so arrogant as to believe we thought up this idea of adopting from Uganda all on our own. We believe God puts the desire in our hearts for what His plans are for us. I have a childhood friend who is a wonderful foster care mother. She makes it look easy and she LOVES the children who come into her care. God put the desire to foster in her heart because he knew she'd be sooo good at it. However, as heartbreaking as it must be for children in the foster care system in the US, the facts remain that they are well served with respect to education, medical care, and food. They sleep in a warm bed at night and have social services at their disposal. What do the orphans in Uganda have? Not much. Actually they have nothing. Food is a struggle. They may have something to wear (the clothes on their backs, literally), they are probably not in school, and a warm bed? Not likely. I have to say this again, they have nothing and they are struggling for survival. That is where my heart is. I cannot save them all. But perhaps I can help one and bless our family in return with his presence. Maybe along the way, I can serve as an advocate for these vulnerable children and educate others about their plight. Those are the reasons we decided to go half way around the wor ld.
- Have you thought about your children?
- Yes, we agonized over our children. We would like to serve God in this way but not if we felt that any one of our children would be negatively impacted. (As an aside, I'm pretty sure Layne believes her life is negatively impacted by her big sister's lack of tidyness in their room.) We came to the conculsion that everytime we thought to add another child to our family, he or she has been nothing but a true blessing; bringing more love than we knew we could contain into our family. So we're confident that even in the crazy days of raising four when we're ready to pull our hair out we'll look around the house and feel blessed.
- What about the health of this new child? Uganda has HIV, Hep B, tuberculosis....aren't you worried about taking on such a huge health risk.
- Those of you who know how we suffered with the loss of our son know that we are not a couple who are eager to return to the hospital environment. As I have said before, God puts the calling in our hearts. I have met extrodianary people who have adopted HIV+ children because they felt called to do this. I saw a video of a family who adopted a child who was missing a limb because they felt a calling. God knows our pain and we recognize our own limitations to taking on such challenges. We are honest with ourselves to draw the line and insist as much as we can for a referral of a healthy child. We know better than most, that even our health is not a guarentee and that things can go wrong...my best friend's husband is now in the fight for his life against pancreatic cancer. But in Februray, we all had no idea this was coming. We're asking for a referral for a child who is today as healthy as one could expect living as an orphan in Africa.
- What about the costs? If you can't afford the adoption costs yourselves, why are you asking your friends, family and complete strangers for money to support your own idea?
- Good one. This one I like. I have spoken before on the costs of adoption. See my post here for an explanation of the adoption costs. Did you know that if 7% of Christians worldwide adopted, we'd eradicate the orphan crisis? Just 7% percent and that doesn't take into account other religions. Why don't people adopt? Cost is listed at the top of their lists as one of the main obstacles to adopting. But what if cost was subtracted from the equation? What if all 7% of Christians who felt called to adopt did and were in some way supported by the other 93% of Christians who are not called to adopt themselves but understood that God has called EACH of us to care for orphans. That should stick with you awhile.....
Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows. Isaiah 1:17
These are just a few of my fav's. I'm sure as time rolls on I'll hear more questions, get annoyed by them and remember my Voice of Reason who can calm my inner fighter and remind me that not everyone is exactly where I am...some will come around and some are just not going to agree...and that's ok! I love my friends, I love my family and I have hope that this journey will lead to a place where everyone celebrates and finally gets it.
Thank you for reading my super long post ya'll!
